Some of them I haven’t even met in person – just spoken to them on the phone and that was enough!
1. Dude being forced
This was the first ‘date’ I went out on – set up by the folks. I was really not sure what to do or say – just ordered coffee and as usual, I asked the waiter to make mine sugarless. The guy asks me suspiciously, “You don’t have sugar in your coffee?” I just stared: “I don’t have sugar in my coffee because I like it bitter, not because I am dieting to fit into the trousseau.” I was amazed at how boring a conversation could get – and I’d blame the poor guy who was being pushed. If I were in that situation, I would have just said it upfront and had a good laugh about it.
2. Dude not interested
This guy was posted in Europe – and I only got emails from him or spoke to him on the phone. And I asked him straight away if he wanted to get married in the first place. He had not anticipated I might ask that, but took a few weeks to decide he wasn’t interested. He was also younger than me by a few months, and I think he said he was kind of unstable with his job. Related reading: Lost in the arranged marriage market
3. Dude looking for a Bollywood style marriage
This person was in Canada. Again, I had no direct interaction with him other than a phone call. He told me he saw my photos and wanted to talk to me. Then he asked clichéd questions about what I liked, etc. and tried to sell to me that moving to Canada is a very good option. He had the idea that he will go on chatting and decide to get married or meet me later and then again talk on the phone and decide to get married…whatever. I had nothing to talk to him about. The lowest point was when he described how he is a non-vegetarian but his parents don’t allow cooking meat at home. Well, I don’t live my life like that.
4. Dude hiding behind his parents
This was an uncomfortable one. Out of the blue, my dad called me and told me that the guy’s mother was not convinced that I was tall enough for her son. And she wanted to measure my height. At first I got a bit irritated, but then my dad said the funniest thing. “Just go and have a free meal with aunty. I think it would be impolite to keep saying no to her now.” I thought I will only be meeting her or something, but they all came, the guy with his mummy and daddy. And they wanted to meet me at a coffee shop. Again, I had nothing to talk about. And I kind of felt bad for the guy who was hiding behind his parents.
5. Dude too dull
By this time I was happily settled in Bombay. The weather suits my allergies. I have work opportunities and I am studying, so there is no way I am moving from here. I am still amazed about what it is that my parents see in these simpletons. Do they not see how much duller they are than me? And from the meeting I figured that the guy was looking for a housekeeper to replace his mother maybe, because he left Bombay and moved in with her. It’s sad how people raise their sons in India to be so dependent on their parents for day-to-day things. I told him right away I had no intention of leaving Bombay or my job. Although that is not true, I mostly work online, and my PhD course does not require me to visit the campus every day. But I used it as a polite reason to say no. Related reading: 50 first dates and counting…
6. Dude, seriously…
This one was funny. His mom gave him my dad’s number and he texted him thinking it was me. He then sent the same text to me and asked me if I was ‘scared’. Now, I don’t know what to make of that, because the only thing I am scared of are alligators – and lizards that are miniature alligators. Again, in politeness, I went to meet him. Also because now my aunts had started asking me what was up, and they indirectly wanted to know if I had met this guy. It went quite well. But in retrospect, that was because he asked me a lot of questions about what I did. I was still not interested enough to ask him what he did. I decided to meet him again, and he kept cancelling. Then, one Sunday he said he can squeeze some time from his busy schedule. I thought it was like a lunch date. It turned out he was watching a movie with other friends. Need I say more?
7. Dude too sanskaari to call
This one my mother had met before I could have any interaction with him. And she was very sure that it may work for me. I am not sure what he said to my mother or what my mother saw in him; he only texted. Then he insisted that the time was not auspicious to meet so, he wanted to only text. I did not know what to tell him, and worse, he was a physicist. I thought maybe he was a bit of an introvert. So I gave him a chance. But I realised it’s not worth it, if a guy goes on texting for 2-3 weeks. It is not going anywhere.
