Crushes are not the same as falling in love. Love is a stronger and is a more consistent emotion. Crushes come and go, and are a lot less serious too. But as long as they last, crushes keep you fixated on the other person and drive you crazy in the same way that love sometimes does. You stay hooked and infatuated by their personality, looks and unique traits. You might wake up fantasizing about their washboard abs and go to bed reminiscing about the gorgeous shirt they wore in their Instagram post last week. Despite their frivolous nature, crushes can dominate your mind space excessively. When that’s the case, it can be a real challenge to get over a crush. Counseling psychologist Mr. Amjad Ali Mohammad (MSc Psychology, PG Diploma in Guidance and Counseling and Diploma in Community Mental Health for Psychologists), who specializes in innovative, scientific and systematic approaches in areas of health, education, relationship and occupation counseling, is here to help us understand some important tricks of the trade in this regard. How to stop crushing on a guy, you asked? Here are some expert backed practical tips:
18 Practical Tips To Get Over A Crush
Since crushes are also, in a way, a one-sided attraction, it is best to let go of them, no matter what. They can be exciting in the early days, but without any actual romantic developments, they can quickly turn into a mental menace. That mental menace gets worse when you see them often. Is it your barista, your coworker or your sister’s best friend? Whoever it may be, it can be extremely challenging to get over a crush you see everyday. On the other hand, you could also be dealing with a crush who hurt you badly. Maybe you confessed your feelings to them and they blocked you. Or you asked them out on a date and they told you that it was just ‘harmless flirting’ and in reality they have a partner. To get over a crush who used you or to forget your crush who rejected you will take some strong will and healthy practices from your side. Don’t worry though. We’ve got you covered with these 18 tips to help you get over a crush:
1. Remind yourself that this is not love to get over a crush at work
Because crushes are so addictive in nature, they can make you feel like your lives revolve around them. However, that is not true and you already know it too. Love is passionate and crushes are a form of attraction that keep you distracted from other things.
No matter how ideal they might be as people, you know you don’t love them. To break away from it, especially to get over a crush you see everyday at work, talk to yourself and keep your sensibilities in check. Most importantly, make sure you definitely get over a crush who has a girlfriend, because that will never end well for you.
Amjad explains, “The difference between crush and love is that a crush is a brief and intense infatuation with someone and mostly seeks short-term pleasure. On the other hand, love is an intense feeling of deep affection that persists. A crush is solely based on physical attraction and excitement, while love has a lot more going on. Love is based on mutual respect, care, trust, understanding and affection.”
What you should keep in mind: If they cared, they would have reciprocated, but if they haven’t, then there’s no love involved. Isn’t that red flag big enough for you to walk away?
2. How to stop crushing on a guy? Just be logical
Visualize yourself packing all your emotions into a suitcase and throwing that baggage out the window! Let’s be brutally honest, we often form so crushes easily because we do not know enough about them. Their perfect aura wraps itself around our heads, keeping us so hooked that we are unable to pay attention to any dubious details. I’m not saying that you must look into their negative traits. That’s a solid waste of time too. But if you think about it smartly, you’ll realize that there is no point flattering someone you barely even know. So don’t go on and tell yourself that you have fallen deeply in love because you most certainly have not! You might not have realized it yet but it’s best to get over a crush who used you, or maybe get over a crush who doesn’t even care for you. Why stick around for someone who treated you badly and someone you don’t love enough anyway? Just set your mind straight and you’ll realize how futile all of this is. What you should keep in mind: Watch them for some time and once you know them better, warts and all, use logic to get over the crush. Be honest with yourself and stop falling in love with someone just because you feel bored or they look nice.
3. To get over a crush you see everyday, try to date other people
It is much easier to get over a crush who doesn’t care when you start having a crush on somebody else who absolutely does. Why worry about someone who won’t glance at you at a party and avoid the one who is bringing you drinks? This is especially a good thing to do when you are trying to get over a crush you see everyday at school, at university or at work. The more you see them, the more you might be drawn to them. But if your energy and mind is occupied with someone or something else, you will eventually stop noticing them at all! So stop staring at your crush during class and go find new ways to meet men! There’s plenty of fish in the sea. Be open to exploring your options and accept the attention you truly deserve. Maybe it’s best to get over a guy who led you on and then did not respond. What you should keep in mind: If there is someone else interested in you, don’t ignore them.
4. Use the ‘No Contact Rule’ to get over a crush who ignores you anyway
If your curious case of crushing is getting completely out of hand, it might be time to rein things in a little and be hard on yourself. If you find yourself drawn to texting them, asking them out and indulging their requests, you need to correct course immediately. We know getting over a crush you slept with is not easy. To get over a crush who doesn’t like you back, follow the No Contact Rule. This means severing all contact and communication with your crush until your feelings die down. Just embrace it as a way of life. Soon you will realize that the ‘out of sight, out of mind’ adage truly works. Amjad says, “Ignoring a crush can go in different ways depending on the person dealing with the same. Or how the object of one’s affection reacts. After giving them too much attention, if you suddenly stop giving that same importance to your crush and instead start ignoring them, they will try to come close to you to figure out why you are walking away from them. “Whereas in some other cases when you are trying to ignore them, they will also do the same thing. They will think that you are not interested in them anymore and thus they will go away from you too. Either way, you need to be headstrong.” What you should keep in mind: Not interacting with them could mean that it’s just an infatuation and you will even see that maybe you don’t miss them after a few days.
5. Ramble away to your closed ones
How to stop crushing on a guy? Sometimes to get over a guy who led you on, you just need a venting ground to release all your frustration. Most times, our frustration of not attaining our crushes keeps us hanging on to them more than our actual feelings toward them. Spend time with friends or go and barge into your mom’s house – whatever seems best to you. Lay out your feelings with complete honesty, giving them a healthy release. Express how you’ve felt neglected, unworthy and ignored, and how badly you want to forget your crush who rejected you. What you should keep in mind: Talking your heart out helps immensely. Speak to someone you trust and watch the pain slowly drift away.
6. What’s my worth? Focus on yourself to stop crushing on a friend who doesn’t like you
Shift your gaze from your constant idolatry of another person and spend more time thinking about yourself. We often forget to worry about ourselves when we are pre-occupied with thoughts. of someone else It’s time you take over the reins for yourself and indulge in some self-care. To get over a crush who doesn’t like you, remind yourself of all the reasons you like about yourself. It might not be easy because of how let down you might be feeling, but it’ll help you feel better tremendously. How to get over a crush is sometimes not about your crush at all. It can just be about you. In that case, getting over a crush who rejected you is a lot easier. Whether you are dealing with a crush at work or have a thing for your next door neighbor, stop thinking about them and start thinking about you. Amjad shares, “People tend to get attracted to their crushes generally for two major reasons. One, they want to enjoy the company and pleasure of different people and that’s why they get attracted to so many. And the other is, low self worth. Due to low self worth, they believe that their crushes are not giving them the value they need and deserve. “They have a lot of expectations and show an interest in others based on those expectations. They crush on multiple people at a time so that they can have a range of choices. If any one of the crushes shows a reluctance toward them, they can move onto another.” What you should keep in mind: Keep your self-worth in mind before you keep pursuing someone. Remind yourself that you deserve much more love!
7. Listen to happy music to get over a crush
Sad songs are meant for crushing heartbreaks. But let’s get one thing straight. Crushes are not heartbreaks, but are rather a consequence of letting your mind wander too far. So let’s not treat it like a full-fledged heartbreak. However a little music never hurt! If you’re corny like me, you can even make a ‘getting over a crush’ songs playlist. Or just put on some rap to keep yourself pumped. Listen to some rock ‘n’ roll, classic oldies or jam out to your favorite artist by pretending to be them in front of your mirror. Some quality feel-good music can lead to some quality thinking. This, in turn, can help you get over a crush who used you. What you should keep in mind: Music has healing powers. Discover it.
8. Exercise
Crazy, right? That some regular exercising can help you get over this one-sided love fantasy? When we don’t exercise enough, we often feel groggy and dull. Sometimes, to get over a guy who led you on can be as easy as releasing those endorphins. Say goodbye to those funny workout excuses, get out of your head and into a workout routine, get into shape and feel awesome about yourself! Exercise does not have to be intensive or draining. Just do something to get your heart racing so that your mind can be free. Who knew dumbbells could be the answer to, ‘How to get over a crush who rejected you?’ What you should keep in mind: A workout will pep up your happy hormones, making you energetic and enthusiastic. You won’t be wasting anymore headspace for someone who didn’t even care for you.
9. Think of this as a learning experience to get over a crush who ignores you
When we find ourselves in a situation with a learning outcome, we start to lean toward a positive interpretation of said situation. To learn constantly is to grow. If you have been treated unfairly, are feeling let down and used, consider it a lesson for your betterment. Such an experience will teach you to not let your guard down easily in the future. To get over a guy who led you on or get over a crush who has a girlfriend, do not ruminate over the injustice to yourself. Don’t start saying things like, ‘Why does this always happen to me?’ Instead, take it in your stride and use the learning to become a better version of yourself. What you should keep in mind: Life lessons make you grow as a person. To get over a crush at work or someone who doesn’t like you, think of it as a stepping stone in life and nothing more.
10. Do your own thing to get over a crush
Focusing on yourself and spending all your time doing your own thing can be surprisingly therapeutic. This is not just one of the ways to get over a crush, but to get over any setback that life throws your way. Indulging in some unabashed self-care can truly make your days much better. Whether it is some online shopping or repainting the boring wall in your room – there is so much you can probably do! Even if working more is your thing, just do that. Crying over a work project is so much better than crying over a crush. At least the former yields productive results. To stop crushing on a friend, go out there and start crushing it at work! What you should keep in mind: Motivate yourself to do things that will have positive results.
11. Don’t be bitter when trying to get over a crush you see everyday
A lot of times, when our crushes are egotistical and selfish people, they might take advantage of our lovelorn state of mind. They might even ask you out just to feel good about themselves. When one feels cheated and used, it can be really difficult to get over a crush you slept with or went out with. In such a situation, the only way you will get over that person is if you try not to be bitter. Amjad says, “Consider these tips which will help you improve your life rather than wanting to take revenge or being bitter. First and foremost, take good care of your physical health and appearance. Try to be emotionally and mentally strong, consider therapy if you think that might help. Third, be self-confident and remember that you are so much better than this one challenging situation.” Being vindictive is not going to solve any problems or make your pain go away. It might take longer than usual to forget them, but harboring negative feelings should not be on your list. What you should keep in mind: There’s just no point being bitter about someone with whom you didn’t even have a relationship.
12. How to stop crushing on a guy? Get them out of your social media feeds
Social media tends to imprint the things we view while scrolling, into the database of our minds. By constantly looking at their pictures, you will keep being drawn to them! In order to prevent that, block, delete or unfollow – do whatever you have to. This is especially important if you have been struggling with the ‘how do I stop crying over my crush’ dilemma. Even more so, if you want to get over a crush you see everyday online. What you should keep in mind: This way you minimize your own tendency to see what they are doing.
13. Change your mindset about wanting a relationship
A lot of times, we hop from one crush to the other because of the faults in our thought process. We want relationships and love so much that the moment we see someone even remotely worthy of our time, we invest our energies into that person. Wanting a relationship is okay. Wanting love is beautiful. There is no need to be ashamed of it. But do not let it become desperation — that causes you to run amok. Our desires should not be so intense that we settle for less. Stay strong and wait for the right person to come along. Amjad says, “If you haven’t mutually agreed that a relationship is possible, then your obsessive nature can completely break your connection with that crush. If you two have similar intentions about dating, that might be a good thing. But if your crush only sees you as a friend, you need to change your mindset and walk away.” What you should keep in mind: Everyone has a right person waiting for them in the wings.
14. Stop worrying too much
Stressing about a person that you don’t even admire as much as you think is a terrible waste of energy. Sadly, we very easily fall into this worry trap. It’s insane how someone who does not mean that much to us can cause us so much anxiety. It is important to consciously weed out these unwanted feelings. Instead of lying in bed with a heavy heart, remind yourself how unimportant this is and how important you are. To stop crushing on a friend, remind yourself that it’s better to have that person in your life as a friend; reserve your thoughts for the bigger issues out there. What you should keep in mind: It’s just not worth worrying.
15. Don’t do things to grab their attention
One of the regressive ways our mournful hearts get over crushes is by doing everything we can to get their attention. We do this not to bask in that delayed attention, but to make them crave us just when we have stopped craving them. That sense of superiority stems from unresolved feelings and will negatively hamper your growth. Do not parade around trying to be an unattainable diva to make them want you. No need to mess with their head, in the process, messing with your own. What you should keep in mind: Don’t end up doing dumb and silly things because a crush ignored you. To forget your crush who rejected you, have some self-respect and walk away.
16. Do not incite jealousy to get over a crush at work
Making an old crush jealous by flashing a new one is not going to make them want you more. Counter-productively, it will only make you fall deeper into the rabbit hole by constantly thinking about what they think. So just because Alan was your old crush at work, it doesn’t mean that you start laughing too much with Steve at all the work meetings where Alan is also present.
Remember, it doesn’t matter what they think or what they do. Moreover, there is no point in trying to influence any of that. If you are trying to get over a crush who doesn’t care, then thinking of them constantly or trying to make them jealous and chase you are futile endeavors.
Resist those tendencies completely if you want to get over a crush who ignores you.
What you should keep in mind: You can’t make a person who has no feelings for you jealous.
17. Say goodbye to the imagined scenarios in your mind
Having a huge crush can lead to some major day dreaming tendencies. You may start imagining a future with them. Or picturing cute scenarios where your affection is reciprocated and they are head over heels in love with you. Stop right there and try to understand how you are stuck in this phase of limerence. Because none of that is true or good for you. An occasional cute dream to satisfy your heart is understandable and okay. Them running around the kitchen chasing you is sweet to think about once in a while. Amjad explains, “Day dreaming to some extent is okay to feel pleasure and to feel happy about your crush. It’s a common tendency. But when it becomes excessive and happens all the time, that can cause some serious trouble. That kind of day dreaming can distract you from your life goals and daily important activities such as your job, career, education, family, etc. Having limits and boundaries is important.” What you should keep in mind: Come back to reality — it will help your sanity!
18. Stay away from the cheesy romcoms
When you’re trying to get over a crush fast and efficiently, watching Love, Actually or My Best Friend’s Wedding will not make your life any easier. Keep the celluloid romance in your life at bay for a while. It’s a small change really, but can go a very long way. Watching romances bubble around you will only make you yearn for it all the more and you might end up falling for far worse crushes. If you want to seriously stop crushing on a friend, you need to stop watching all those Ryan Gosling movies. What you should keep in mind: These can make you cry, so stay away. Hopefully by now, you might realize that getting over a crush is not too difficult. Maybe you are already re-evaluating how you actually feel about that someone. You might realize that even if the feelings are still there, you will be just fine! They’re just another attractive person and there will be a new one, one who reciprocates your feelings, don’t you worry.
